Harmonoia - Jeffree Star

Years ago, I watched a youtube video titled “I found what Jeffree Star was hiding…” by Liam McEvoy. Just last year, it was recommended to me again. I watched it and remembered looking at his sources as a teen and the things that shocked me. So, obviously, I had to look again to refresh my memory. To my soul crushing disappointment, most of it was lost to time. Things that could’ve easily been found 6 years ago had disappeared without a trace. I couldn’t give up though. No, no… too nosy. I had to find SOMETHING worth my time among this. After all, I’d already wasted time sitting on nearly useless info. I opened the most confusing, strange, and anxiety inducing rabbit hole here. The earliest trace of him online that I could find was around 2001, when he would’ve been close to graduating high school. It started off with the classics, AIM and Livejournal. Obviously I can’t go read his private messages or his LJ, however, I can tell that a lot would go down in his circle generally- I’ll shut up and get to the point.

If you look at the first slide, you’re looking at Jeffree’s melo. This is where it began. He was unfathomably hated on this site. Whether the distaste towards him was based upon logic or ignorance, it was pretty heavy. People like him were usually not treated the greatest. It was becoming more socially acceptable with the rise of alternative fashion, but, queer people still had to be very wary of their safety both online and in real life especially. With the outspoken hatred came a lot of love, devotion, and occasional obsession from others. He was a ~star~. (don’t hate me for making a lame joke)

On Melo he would typically post makeup looks, poetry, friends, events/concerts, and unfortunately a lot of self harm. His eye-catching alternative style drew in an audience long before he ever was a household name. Jeffree wasn’t like your typical emo/scene kid. He was something different. Androgynous, glamorous, edgy, raw, controversial, and fearlessly himself. He had no problem letting you know in the most aggressive way possible that he didn’t like what you or whatever you had to say. After reading through all of his poetry both on and off this site (deadjournal), In my opinion, it’s understandable to assume this is a very angry and hurt individual. With themes of s/h, death, and other potentially harmful topics… I don’t know where to begin on that without treading into questionable territory. Therefore, I won't be posting any uncensored graphic images on the site directly because presenting those would not be productive or welcoming to anyone potentially reading. If you do want to see anything mentioned, sources will be linked to the left of the article, bottom if you're on mobile. Please be warned, a lot of it is VERY graphic and personal.

According to his profile comments/subposts about him, people accused him of ripping others' art/style off. This can’t exactly be proven/disproven since it’s too late for that to matter. However, one of those accusers really intrigued me. Push. Let me give you a background on everything so I can explain that tidbit.

Jeffjeff (lol) frequently mentions and interacts with a user whom he claims is a close friend. I looked into this user, and they are a key part of this era. It was clear she didn't want to be known online anymore, so, I will use the name C instead. If you find who they are via my sources, please respect their privacy. I honestly view C as a victim of the wild west that was the internet at this time and think it’s for the best to tell her parts carefully. This girl is about a year younger than him, and they seemed to be inseparable for a while. It was a very toxic and codependent relationship. She carved his name into her body, and he claimed to feel it was a form of taking his life and making art of it. Lots of talk about being soulmates, it honestly felt kinda groomy in my personal opinion despite their age being close. They shared a friend that was part of an online art community C basically helped invent/popularize at the time. This friend is Push. It is alleged that C and Push had a romantic relationship back then, where Push claimed to have self realizations pertaining to attraction towards small children. This is self proclaimed, and I have no clue if this person still retains this belief about themselves. However, they literally posted this about themselves on urban dictionary (crazy, I know. But check the photos). Push was Jeffree’s number one hater at the time, with their own vocabulary reserved especially for him. It appeared as if there was some disdain between the two due to some art theft related drama (typical theme here), but because both also shared a form of infatuation for C. C and Push had a pretty messy falling out around the mid-late 2000s from what I could see, however, to this day they appear to be friends shockingly. I found this odd from an outsider perspective because this relationship appeared to me as wildly inappropriate and abusive. When it comes to C and Jeffree, I genuinely believe their falling out was a result of Jeffree’s career taking off and his mindset compared to what she was dealing with. She was getting her art along with personal photos stolen by catfish accounts, and was tired of having to validate her own work.

Just 2 years after the intense friendship… Jeffree posts a rant. In this rant, he basically tells everyone to stop picking on him and goes in on Melo along with the creator Sara. He talks about how once he got famous the attention to those triggering posts became too much for him, and he didn’t want to be on the site anymore because the hate drove C away from him in his eyes. I personally believe it also had something to do with him being a bully himself. Jeff has always had an extremely hostile/defensive seeming personality and his friends are no exception to this energy.

He wanted to stage a comeback for himself. This comeback was an alter ego named Candy, and a website called Lipsticknazi. Many people online have claimed this was supposed to be the original JSC, however, it is evident in said post that it was not intended to be anything of the sort. Based on what he claimed, it was supposed to replace his Melo page and be a place to promote his art or music. This site was never fully finished and eventually the domain went up for sale. During its time, the site depicted graphic images of Jeffree with hate symbols carved into his body as a placeholder for what never came. Instead, he had a site called jeffreecuntstar. God knows why that name wasn't the first choice. That domain was a promotional project for his music from 2005-2007.

I am quite curious how the public managed to dig up Lipsticknazi, but they never found the direct source of this idea or brought it up. All of this information is available to the public and not super hard to find. Yet, he has managed to keep it all buried for the past 20+ years. During my research I found that I was not the only one who went down this rabbit hole, but, I am the first to actually go through with speaking on it entirely. I obviously have to take care in how I word things, but this all is right there for people to find. Part of why it’s taken me so long to release this article is because every time I have written it I find myself over-censoring out of fear. I am done being afraid of something I found accidentally. It is important to keep these stories alive, so people do not forget who they choose to worship online. This person is far more complex than we have ever been led to believe. The most curious part of this, is the fact that every single person I have reached out to for comment has avoided speaking on it. These are normal people. Even they cannot handle revisiting this or being involved. It makes me think there is potentially something bigger I missed.

It started to seem like everywhere you found Jeffree, you’d also find something unthinkable. He made outlandish and sometimes straight up awful behavior seem like a higher way of thinking online. Leaving a trail of hurt everywhere he had been. That was the key to unlocking the monster his career has become. People love an outspoken individual regardless of who it is. This is just me talking, but, I honestly believe he never changed. He just developed different strategies. Most controversial figures seem to only evolve their behavior pattern rather than break it. I will not discredit the fact that he struggled in his early career. I still think he was blinded by the attention certain actions would get him, and that’s why he is perceived as an out of touch psycho by some of his former audience. I do not hate this man, in fact he is the last person I would have expected to write about. It’s like a car crash you can’t look away from. I won’t lie and pretend there isn’t more to this, but, I can only say so much before crossing the line. Which I probably already have. If this intrigued you, please check the sources and keep looking. Maybe you’ll find something I couldn’t. See you on the flip side! #pleasedontsueme #pleasedontdestroymysite